Skills and Secrets for Your Book Journey with Sexpert and Author Caitlin V
If you think a traditional nonfiction book deal will magically appear once you “have a good idea,” you’re missing the part agents and publishers actually bet on: a proven methodology, a real platform, and the reps that show your ideas work off the internet and on the page.
In this episode of Kind of a Big Book Deal, host Meghan Stevenson digs into sex and relationship coach Caitlin V’s journey from viral YouTube videos about female pleasure to her traditionally published book Harder, Better, Longer, Stronger: Science, Skills, and Secrets for the Best Sex of Your Life.
From Researcher To YouTuber To Author: Building The Foundation
Before the book was even an idea, Caitlin spent a decade doing the unglamorous work:
She left a doctoral program in sex health research and policy, where she’d planned on a tenure-track academic career.
She became a sex and relationship coach, initially serving local clients.
A guest appearance on someone else’s YouTube channel — talking about female ejaculation — went viral and led thousands of men worldwide to ask for her coaching.
She discovered a sweet spot working with men with performance anxiety, erectile dysfunction, and premature ejaculation, then codified her methodology.
As a former researcher, she essentially ran informal “studies”: different conditions for different clients, constant comparison, iteration, and refinement.
She put her methodology into digital courses and continued testing and improving it at scale.
By the time she reached out to Meghan, she had:
10+ years of coaching experience.
A YouTube channel with around 160 million views and nearly a million subscribers.
Multiple courses priced between $47 and $197 that consistently helped clients.
That’s the level of proof traditional publishers look for: tested ideas, proven demand, and a functioning business behind the book.
Why Write A Book When Courses Make More Money?
From a pure revenue perspective, Caitlin’s courses and coaching dwarf what a single book will earn:
Courses retail between $47 and $197.
Coaching packages range from roughly $3,000 to $30,000, depending on the coach and scope.
Her YouTube channel, because it discusses sex, doesn’t run ads and doesn’t generate typical creator income, even with massive view counts.
So why invest two years in a book?
Because of her mission:
Since she was a teenager, her north star has been getting quality sexuality education into the hands of as many people as possible.
Every platform — YouTube, TV (her show Good Sex on Discovery/HBO Max), courses, coaching — has been a means to that end.
A traditionally published book lets her offer deep, holistic guidance to people who can’t afford high-ticket coaching or mid-range courses, for under $30.
Books travel: they sit on shelves, live in e-readers and phones, and don’t require passwords or logins.
For her, a book is:
A scalable way to democratize access to her work.
A credibility asset in an AI-saturated world where anyone can technically “publish” without expertise.
A long-term, evergreen body of work that can outlive the half-life of any algorithm or social platform.
Choosing Traditional Publishing (And Why She Didn’t DIY)
Caitlin knew two broad paths existed: self-publishing and traditional publishing.
Self-publishing, common among coaches and marketers in her circles, offers speed and control but often lacks the gravitas and institutional credibility of a major house.
Traditional publishing, especially with a Big Five house, signals editorial vetting, quality, and staying power — attributes she wanted for a topic as sensitive and important as men’s sexuality.
The industry is old and opaque; it operates like the “second oldest profession” with long-standing norms, gatekeepers, and processes.
She was realistic:
There was no way she could learn the entire system herself while running an internet-based business, maintaining a TV show, and serving clients.
You “pay with time or you pay with money” — either take 10 years to figure it out or hire someone who already has those decades of experience.
So she chose:
To go traditional.
To bring on Meghan Stevenson and her team as guides and collaborators, leveraging their relationships and expertise to navigate agents, editors, and deals.
This is a key lesson for aspiring authors: traditional publishing rewards expertise, but it also rewards those who invest in expert help.
Market Bias And Selling To Men: Making The Case For This Book
Caitlin’s book focuses on men’s sexuality — a topic many agents and publishers are wary of.
The pushback they heard:
“Men don’t buy books.”
“Sex books that sell are usually for women.”
Meghan’s counterpoints:
Historically, male-focused titles like The Game, The Bro Code, and Tucker Max’s work prove that while men buy fewer books overall, they will flock to a single book in large numbers when it speaks directly to them.
The idea that men don’t read is simplistic; often the real issue is men don’t buy lots of different books, but a well-positioned title can become the book they buy.
Platform is platform: if Caitlin can get men to watch videos, take courses, and pay for coaching, there’s no logical reason she couldn’t sell them a book — especially one more affordable than her other offerings.
Access barriers are lower than ever: men don’t have to walk into a bookstore and be seen buying a sex book; they can buy it online, read it on Kindle, or listen to an audiobook recorded in Caitlin’s own voice.
Caitlin’s experience pitching:
Many agents and editors said, “This book is great; it should exist — but I’m not personally going to take it on.”
She and Meghan only needed one agent and one publisher who truly believed in the project.
Eventually, an agent saw the proposal and said, essentially, “I’m taking this on, no question,” and champions at the publisher responded with a strong yes.
The takeaway:
If your book serves a demographic outside the “usual,” it must fill a clear gap, be rock-solid, and be positioned as the book for that audience in a given year.
Biases are real — but they’re navigable with data, platform, and a compelling equity argument.
Handling Rejection Without Letting It Kill Your Book
Caitlin is used to criticism; she lives on the internet, reads comments (even when advised not to), and has been banned from platforms like Upwork for using the word “sex” in job posts.
Still, publishing rejections hurt:
Being told “no” or implicitly hearing “your ideas aren’t worth printing” cuts deeply, even for seasoned creators.
If she’d had to make the case alone, over and over, and absorb all the “no’s” herself, she believes her heart would have struggled to keep going.
What helped:
Meghan prepared her for the objections she’d hear, especially around men and sex.
They held a shared mantra: “We only need one.”
One agent who truly believes in the project.
One publisher who wants the book in the world.
She reframed each rejection as narrowing the field: “Great, one more place that’s not the right fit.”
Meghan, for her part:
Often “punches back” on behalf of clients when agents’ comments are misinformed or biased.
Treats protecting clients from unnecessary emotional harm as part of her role.
Lesson for aspiring authors:
Rejection is unavoidable; hurting is human.
Having a collaborator or agent buffer you from constant “no’s” can keep your book alive.
You don’t need universal approval; you need aligned champions.
Woo, Timing, And Letting The Book “Choose You”
Both Meghan and Caitlin are unapologetically woo. Human design, spiritual alignment, and “waiting for the invitation” are part of Caitlin’s lens.
Her view:
She’s a projector in human design, whose life advice is to “wait for the invitation.”
Major successes in her life (TV show, graduate programs) came from invitations rather than pushing.
This book was, in her eyes, also an invitation:
Their mutual friend and author Ray McDaniel wrote Gender Magic with Meghan.
Ray encouraged Caitlin to consider a book and connected her to Meghan.
She believes:
The book “wanted to exist” and “chose [them] as its mothers.”
Her job was to get behind it or get out of its way—aligning effort with a larger sense of timing and rightness.
On timelines:
The book moved to publication about six months faster than she expected.
She could have used more time, but she trusts the timeline as part of a larger unfolding.
Her practice is to surrender where pushing doesn’t work, and push where effort is clearly received.
You don’t have to share their exact beliefs to benefit from the core idea: trust that the right agent, house, and timing will align if you keep doing the work and stay open to invitations.
Making The Book Evergreen (Not Trend-Chasing)
Men and masculinity are having a cultural “moment” — but books are slow. Chasing hot topics can make a book feel dated by the time it hits shelves.
Caitlin’s challenge:
She wanted to include timely examples, news stories, and pop culture incidents (like discussions around the “man box,” a concept from Paul Kivel, and specific celebrity behavior).
Meghan kept reminding her of the goal: make the book timeless on the inside, and leverage current events in marketing as needed.
Their strategy:
Cut many time-specific references that would age quickly.
Keep foundational topics — masculinity, shame, performance anxiety, relational dynamics — central and evergreen.
Use future news cycles and trends as hooks in PR and content (e.g., commentary videos, essays, podcast appearances) that point back to the book.
Caitlin’s content philosophy:
There are two kinds of content:
Bread: fresh, ephemeral, trend-driven content that must be baked daily (short videos, reactive posts).
Salt: timeless, educational content that endures (deep-dive videos, courses, books).
You need both. The book is “salt” — meant to last, perhaps even outlive her by centuries, and stay relevant whenever men’s sexuality and masculinity resurface in the cultural conversation.
For authors, this means:
Let your book handle the big, lasting questions.
Let your platform handle the daily bread of trends and topical angles.
Platform, Reps, And Avoiding The “Empty Proposal” Trap
At the end of the episode, Meghan asks Caitlin what advice she’d give entrepreneurs and experts who want a book deal but still need to grow their thought leadership and audience.
Caitlin’s answer centers on reps:
Don’t be afraid of doing the reps — client sessions, content creation, speaking, smaller stages.
You can always tell who skipped the reps; they might have a flashy moment or media hit, but there’s no foundation, so it doesn’t last.
Reps are like strength training:
You can deadlift 200 pounds once and break bones if you haven’t built capacity.
Or you can lift it twice, safely, because you earned it through gradual training.
She advises:
Stop comparing yourself to where you want to be; compare yourself to where you’ve come from.
Book slightly bigger stages, take on slightly more challenging clients, and keep stretching incrementally. Every step counts.
Accept that a “10‑year overnight success” is normal; her book is the result of more than two decades of learning about sex and 10+ years of coaching.
Meghan’s warning:
She’s had clients with huge followings who, when they reach proposal stage, don’t have enough content for a book — and they still owe her team the money.
If you don’t have enough content for a proposal, you don’t have enough for a book.
She sometimes declines to write books herself when she senses the author’s foundation is too thin, choosing not to dig herself into that hole.
Publisher logic:
“Platform” isn’t just audience size; it’s foundation:
Proven methodology.
Consistent thought leadership.
Client stories and case studies (including mistakes that taught you something).
Caitlin adds:
Don’t fear the mistakes; every client story in her book came from not knowing exactly what to do, guessing, checking, and learning.
The more mistakes you make and learn from, the more you have to speak about — and the more robust your eventual book can be.
Questions Answered In This Episode
How did Caitlin V go from sex researcher and coach to traditionally published author?
Why did she choose a book over solely courses and coaching, even though they’re more profitable?
Why did she choose traditional publishing instead of self-publishing?
How did she and Meghan overcome industry bias around men’s sexuality and book buying?
How did Caitlin handle agent and publisher rejections emotionally and strategically?
What role did woo, human design, and “waiting for the invitation” play in her book journey?
Why did they focus on making the book evergreen instead of chasing trends?
How did writing the book change Caitlin’s imposter syndrome and sense of mastery?
What does “putting in the reps” look like for experts who want a book deal?
What single piece of advice does Caitlin offer entrepreneurs and experts who dream of a traditional nonfiction book deal?
Caitlin V. is a renowned sex and relationship coach specializing in helping men overcome erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, and premature ejaculation. A former sexual health researcher and policy analyst, she skyrocketed to internet fame after a viral video on female pleasure. Today, she works with clients worldwide to resolve mismatched libidos, enhance sexual confidence, and create more satisfying intimate experiences.
Blending personal experience with evidence-based science, Caitlin is on a mission to foster a sex-positive world where pleasure is prioritized. With millions of views on YouTube and nearly a million subscribers, she has become a leading voice in the field. Her expertise is now reaching an even wider audience with her upcoming TV show, Good Sex, premiering on Discovery+ and Max.
Learn more at caitlinvneal.com or youtube.com/caitlinv.
Find Caitlin V on social
Order Caitlin V’s new book, Harder Better Longer Stronger at https://caitlinvneal.com/hbls.
